I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
