stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
