You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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