there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
