If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
