I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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