Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
