Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
