There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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