just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
