His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
