I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They have beer where we have blood.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
