Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize