If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
