I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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