College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
