Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
