so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
