You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize