two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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