atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
