Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
