i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
