he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How does one acquire holy water?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
