I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
