Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
