Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
