Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pants are for mortals
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
