Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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