How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
