i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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