Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize