Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
