I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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