Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
