He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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