Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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