just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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