i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
