dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
