Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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