I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
