she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
