dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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