1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This is not my ceiling
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
