You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
