ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
