How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
