Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
