What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
