Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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