I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I pour the whiskey from now on
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
