I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
