Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
