i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
