I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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