our cab driver is having phone sex.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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