It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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