My liver just broke up with me...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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