that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
