i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
