I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
