giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
