Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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