theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
