This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
