You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I need moral support for this bender
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
