the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Please, let me fuck your mom
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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