Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
