I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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